These demons that you want me to let go

Kept me company when the world turned its back on me

They sang me to sleep; they awaken me with their comfort

They became my reflection when my own shadow betrayed me

Now you say come out of this darkness that I feel safe in

Oh how you can’t see you were one of those reasons

I was introduced to them, my loyal friends?

You say to me I am destined to hell for what I do

I wish I could show you my soul, which is ablaze every second

You said Come to me, I will understand your pain, I will provide you shelter

But only I know, if I let this mask drop, you won’t tolerate my ugly self

You will run like a scared rabbit, afraid to taint its pure fur

So stop trying to pull me out from the place

Where now I have discovered my true self, where I have liberated myself

Let me reside here, ruling who once ruled me befriending who once petrified me

Let me stay because I am not scared anymore… but maybe you will.


It’s been a while since I last updated. It’s hard to form words when you don’t know what to feel anymore with people constantly nagging you to be a person you know you can’t be.

Trying to keep yourself together with people breaking you apart every second is a real struggle and to all those people who are suffering from things, from the demons of their own, I want to say that it’s okay to break, to hide, to accept the darkness that surrounds you.

But never give up and never back down. Fight back and own your demons because they are a part of you but not all of you. Even if it doesn’t seem like it but you are always stronger to fight back. We live in a state of flux, even if things appear the same they never are. Things change, people change. situations change, WE change so it’s too early to give up.

Fight for yourself, even if you are the only person believing in you.




10 thoughts on “DEMONS

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  1. “Fight for yourself, even if you are the only person believing in you” I love thisss!!!! I also loved your writing, I’ve found that when you write from a place of truth it’s so much better than anything ever. Speak your truth!! and all the best xx

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  2. There seems to be a lot of wrong thinking in your thoughts. First of all you may not ever made an effort to understand what turned a great and beautiful friendship that was making is way to love. I suppose ou approach the wrong way. This was not your fault. It was the way you were forced to live your life and what you had been forced to do to endure it. Second, it might be the other person was waiting for you to talk to her, not only about the kind of life you had been constrained to live, but about you want from life. Third the person might not have the beauty that , even according to her personal esthetics might not be exposed with no shame at all, She had lived a life, had been loved perhaps not only by her beauty but beauty is linked to sexual relations. Otherwise it is an ugly thing. Fourth she , who had lost a very loved child, was confronted with the greatest delusion of her life and commited a sin against someone she loved, suspecting but not believing him to be the author of such a dirty writing. She only believed when the facts – as unfortunatly it often happens – became evidences and tge consequences went too far to believe. Someone that was perhaps the ‘artificial inteligence’ teatcher was contacted in full secrecy, because supposing he was the most faithful of your friends and was not in the center of the institution, to tell you to stop as, by the time, a lot of women had entered as ‘friends’ in my site writing awfuk things. I had spend a lot of time to discover how and who was promoting such a thing and for misfortune I arrived there.I fon’t know what he didi because he talked to me no more. I might had advised me about what was hapenung but he didn’t. Nobody ever did, not even in my family. Everybody wanted me in the most absolute ignorance , because, I think, they fear you or the institution, or society or whatever, I became, and remain the most excluded persin. That was part of you revange. The other part was the idea of coming to live your private life just upon my place, the place you knew I cherished and ha chosen against all family opinions. To what you told me about your life you join the practice and forced me to enter a world I didin’t know to exist, You inveaded all my privacy and put me in total isolation by açç incredible means. So incredible that telling them people shoud thing I might be insane, so sophisticated were and are the means. That, more than infuriating me brought to my soul the worst I had in me. Thay was the worst that can be done to a person for the most you hate her! After all that much, and you know to well what was, and having received menaces and a ugly athlet living near rang my door and when I saw he was handing something in a kind of towel with a ball in the end having God knows what, I , after having decided to speak no more about the subject, decided to ask for protection. Unlike you I have been all alone along all this. I did so and God knows what it cost me! That decision was taken against me not because of you but because I was putting the institution in check, Family and friends, who never knew or believe what I was going through saw that as an awful sin. Curiously I often ask myself if by the time they do not blame me for not accepting your ‘love’, what if I did would be seen as an awful sin that afexcted the vocation of a menber of the institution. People is very hard to understand because mos of them are compulsive liars without being counscious of it.

    Know about my vulgar, awfull, infuriating and malevolous atitudes against the woman who save your from your awful suffering . All I knew of her was what you had told me! No one knew her and those who along time told me about her was not against my morals – by the time I had no more morals about the subject – but the way all the family is acting in their favour to make you to pay the bill. If you were not here, if she, stupidly because she has the age of my grand daugthers, send me messages telling ” Já foste”, “Ninguém me rouba o que é meu” and so on, I would forget her. But you were both over my ceiling spoiling my nights and peace! It was too much and I conclud I was not enough good to endure such things for so long.
    I was stupid, just as you were telling me all those things about a woman with whom you, I thing, wre to buit a family. That was not of my account but in a way, and even being so hurt in my feekings, I felt somehow responsible for your hapiness and I thougt they were using you by all the possible means and made you affraid of the team. You had a big bill to pay and they were not to forget it, Knowing you as one can know someone she cares I could hardly believe you might be happy. No one changes as much. And I felt that you soul as the soul of a child who was put in the middle of the madding crowd and never knew how to deal with it without a lot of people around asking and using your great intelligence and the power of doing what you decid to achieve.
    After the first child was born I heard you more than once telling her to go away and she asking you to go to sleep with her to make another. Soon I conclud you are unhappier without her than wiyj her – or some oyher woman – after reading about the kind of illness you were suffering and need someone to help you to control your ways knowing what you need. She was that person and I should be glad to know that you found her and she wanted to stay. But you both decided to make my life impossible and, stupidly, I decided to return. I have had moments when I hate you both as I never supposed to be able! I hated you so much, after nights could not sleeping because children were nourished each four hours and you made me hear your recompense to the mother, that I , who love children more than anything in the world, included children in my virtual revenges because I know that nothing hurts parents more than knowing someone says to wish the worst for their chikdren. It was not a desire, it could not be. It was a stupid self defense of someone what was becoming lonelier each day and having no peace each night.
    I do not know who that woman is and if you are happy as you deserve – I am sure you suffered more than a human being can imagine and you have been brave and you should have a lot of suffering kept in your heart – and think she is in the right position and whatever the means she uses to calm you, singing or dancing, if you feel tenderness . love and companion, I feel happy too.
    Curiously, after all these years you became the closest part of my life and, spite the troubles that remain but are more a permanent suspection that something is about to happen than facts. I pray for you in my silences, and can hardly think of priests and churches after having attending the masses I miss so much. I turn furious when people say you are suffering from Alzheimer or any other illness in order that what you say or do is the consequence. They try to do the same with me and I just want to forget what happen in the hotel at Cascais and id Fatima. I do not know who to blame.
    io, I understand that you need and deserve peace after all you passed through. If peace is there, if you feel happy and not constrained with your new family I sewar I will say no more a word about your life. But I need you to live that last part of my life in peace. I tried, and God knows how hardly, to accomplish all the tasks God put in my way. I grow up withou having a family of my own, a name to impress society, and no money at all. However I married very young, I grew up a family, and, so far, I only have to thanks God every minute of my life.I am not a fearful person because I know only God could hahe turned my life to be as it is, I even bekieve, for the must it hurted, that God took my son because it was the right time for him.
    So, my very dear, be as happy as you can, and let me live. I m always looking for what you are doing and, though it takes time to understand because nobody talks you name in front of me and change conversation when I try , I keep admiring you even when I do not agree imediatly with all the changes you want to promote in our miserable world. I do not like most of your friends and do not understand what they have to do in common. But that is also a matter that is not of my concern.
    Do, if you agree, let us make peace. You may, if you think to be right, to meet me to the mother of your children. I believe she is now the person you wished her to be and I will forget the past as I use to do with things and facts that disturb my soul. I would also like to meet your children and to know that they would stop to see my garden as the garden of the witch.
    I do not care about what people think or say but I am a very private person. Don’t like public life1 and i sincerely hope that woman, who is the age of my grand daughters, might see me as rival. Of course you cann’t tell her that all I say loudly from here against her results from what we said and from what I heard and suffered. But life is too short to keep eternal crosses. One of this days I will die or ieven may be some gypsy neighbor will kill me by a car or hurt me by a dog. I am always being advised of such peril. So I stop walking through the ‘barrio’ – which is now far from being the agreable place it was – and use taxis from door to door…when I succed to call them without interruption from a call center. Sometimes chauffers have strange conversations with me and people puzzled that I do not fear to go out. But life goes on and, would it be August or January, things happens when God let them happen. My strongest wish is to be in His heart as He is in mine. So I don’t fear. As the poor that still stay in the degrees of our chruch told me the other day “without God we are nothing.
    Have a good day! And remember I would like to see and to talk to you if possible. If that may cause you some trouble forget it and be as happy as you can. Forget those who don’t understand what your life has been. They do not deserve your thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good morning! Fresh news are about to appear in the media. I am ashamed for all the errors in my text. But this is my way. If I correct I lost my line of thoughts.


    1. I am sorry I couldn’t read your comment earlier because of some reasons but it hurt my heart when I did….. after readng your story I could guess that you are the age of my grandmother and I would have loved to meet you but unfortunately I live in Asia. I don’t know if you will see this but I really wish you all the happiness in the world. I wish you find your content in something that will wash away all the pain from your past although if it seems impossible. You have suffered a lot but God will give you more than you could ever want, if not in this life maybe in hereafter. I am sure your son is watching over you from heavens…. I am always here if you need to talk. You can always email me whenever you like. I wish you a healthy and a happy life.


  4. it was marvelous …you know what makes your writing more special? you had courage to write about truth, about reality that every one runs from…and your writing is very relatable..

    But only I know, if I let this mask drop, you won’t tolerate my ugly self
    You will run like a scared rabbit, afraid to taint its pure fur

    i love these lines…i wonder if i can spit these words out so loud that every single person in my life can listen to these words and feel a little guilt or shame….whatever

    Liked by 1 person

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