Ever felt this way….
A feeling too complicated to describe, an ache inside your chest to foreign to give a name to?
When everything just too wrong, too out of place.
Ever had those moments in your life, when the air inside your lungs gets trapped, not going out not moving in?
The pressure just keeps developing and developing and you just can’t seem to breathe.
The world feels like crashing and yet you are too conscious….. too aware of everything happening around when all you want is to just give in to the approaching darkness but you just don’t have the strength to do so?
The moments where you think how good it will feel to slice the fragile skin of your wrist and let your pain take a form that you could see… that you could feel dripping out of your body slowly and steadily wishing that it will wash the ache in your chest along with it…. that it will pull the trapped air out of your lungs that you’ll finally be able to breathe?
You cannot name the feeling…
You cannot explain the feeling…
All there is to be done is to just sit and wait…..
Wait for the pain to be over…..
Wait for that droplet to escape your eye……
But what if the tears never come out…?
You long to cry…
To let go of the river that has been flooding behind these dark orbs all the time and yet it still not flowing? It’s still stuck there and makes u scared what if it comes out at the wrong time?
What if when it finally comes out and drowns you in it?
Taking everything away things that you collected so slowly yet so difficultly.
What if it breaks you again?
So It makes you scared to let go, To lower those barriers.
what should you do at that moment then?
When no one is there for you? When no one can understand you when you can’t even understand yourself.
When all the time you thought that pain was gone but It still lingers there, Stays there, Killing you slowly… Agonizingly….?
Piece by piece…
Cell by cell…..
Lately, someone said that the world doesn’t need my dark thoughts, my opinions or my views. People are already suffering enough.
And I just thought that maybe he is right. Maybe I should stop.
But here is the thing you see…
We all face the same problems, We all have the same dark side but everyone is too afraid to let it show to the world.
Why suffocate yourself more than you already are?
Yes, we are already sad, We need positivity but sometimes saying out loud helps more than taking in all the positive vibes.
You cannot take in the light until you purge out the darkness within you.
So I am sorry if you are sad
if you are depressed
if my words don’t help you feel positive about yourself
But I need to say it…
Someone needs to say it…..
It really hurts and it hurts more when you can’t say it out loud.
It hurts to want to scream out loud, but not a single echo escapes your chords.
It hurts when you want to rip your heart out but all you can do is to hold on to that aching chest which you can’t cure.
It hurts when someone asks what’s wrong? and you just blankly stare at him……
It hurts when people say you are so emotionless!
You are careless!
Only if they had any idea how much it hurts to care about caring.
and yet no one knows…
But we know.
You and I know.
Maybe the words that I’ll write won’t comfort you a lot because I am also like you, but even then I want to say this.
That even though the breath gets stuck, try to breathe. Even if the pain overwhelms try to endure. Even the emotions are blank, try to give it a name. Even if you feel completely and utterly miserable just remember that you are never alone.
Not alone with this feeling, with this pain, with these emotions.
Open your eyes a little, look around yourself and you will find others with the same burden as you.
Ask them, tell them, Help them, and help yourself.
Maybe in helping others, you will find your reason to continue to live again.
Because YOU ARE, your CURE.